My Story
A Harris County family law judge has more power over families than God, I witnessed it and currently living it. The judge I have been facing over the last few years actually acts like a God, omnipotent and all knowing. What power, to be able to tell all about a person from just a few slanderous words from an attorney. If an attorney putting on a good show for the Judge happens to say you are spiteful even though there is nothing to back up the claim, then by God, that’s what you are. But remember, women over the ages are a spiteful lot, do not cross us or you will have hell to pay. But should a Judge be pre-judging or in other words, prejudice?
My story started in 1999 when my now ex-husband moved out and wanted a divorce. I made a decision to remain single and raise our daughter to the best of my ability alone. There are many women like me that put the needs of their children first, even though it is not understood by most in current society. My schedule included over two hours commuting on Metro each workday and I relied on friends and neighbors to help with getting our daughter to church activities or soccer. I made a decision in 2004 to take a company transfer to a Tulsa, Oklahoma, a much smaller community. I consulted with an attorney and she explained that my divorce decree had no geographic restrictions so we gave my ex-husband 90 days notice, much more than required, and received no response. I sold my house and moved.
We lived in Tulsa for less than six months when my ex-husband filed for contempt and custody of our daughter. The contempt hearing happened quickly and while the judge did not find me in contempt because I did give adequate notice of my move but decided that I was in contempt when our daughter was sick one Friday at 6:00 PM. But wait, I called my ex-husband and explained that I picked her up from school sick (she threw up at school that day) and warned him to give her more time. He arrived at 6:00 PM anyway which happened to be her next episode of vomiting so he decided to pick her up at 9:00 AM on Saturday instead. But the Judge held me in contempt and sentenced me to 10 days in jail. I remember the Judge that day only listened to the petitioner, my ex-husband, and made her decision based on his side of the story. Her excuse, she had a lunch engagement so she rushed off. My first impression, the Judge is crazy.
Jail time is no stranger to me, a WASP, mother of two, I never skipped school, made good grades and got a college degree. Somehow I made it through those troublesome teenage years without any problems, mostly because I am a Christian and didn’t want to disappoint my parents you know “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” Colossians 3:20. One summer day, when I was 45 years old, I turned myself in to the Sugar Land police department to face a telephone harassment warrant in Fort Bend County. I sat in jail for over 6 hours that day. I learned that you can make false allegations to a sheriff and they can choose to pursue the case because of public fears that you could be that the next Clara Harris. It took about a year after I turned myself in to clear my name. That happened when the District Attorney’s office finally decided to subpoena my phone records to see that I did not make the alleged calls. All the while, the alleged victim kept contacting them to see what they were doing with her case. They finally dropped the case due to lack of evidence. The victim in question is my ex-husband’s girlfriend now fiancé that he admits to dating before he moved out.
Back to my story, over the next two years I went through two mediations and voluntarily came up with a schedule offering each long weekend to my ex-husband. Our daughter took a one hour flight to Houston once a month, saw her father every Spring Break and stayed with him for half the summer each year. She was involved in gymnastics, dance, horse riding, cheer and church activities in our new community; she was flourishing and doing well in school. I was able to attend everything with her instead of rely on friends and neighbors help. Life was good, even though all the while I was facing a custody battle with my ex-husband. Mediation was a bust since we were at an impasse, I was not concerned because I am NOT a crack Mom, what could they do to me? Also, I had given adequate notice and had no restrictions, I followed my contract.
My lawyer and I prepared for trial using these premises:
1. The court appointed psychologist determined that I should keep custody. The psychologist also pointed out that our daughter did not exhibit alienated behavior. Which I will explain later.
2. The court appointed amicus determined that I should have custody.
3. The divorce decree is what he requested and designed. Including no restrictions because he had moved away and was looking for a new job at the time.
4. The time to oppose my move would have been during 90 days notice not after.
5. My ex-husband signed off on the move by signing a document to release the title on my house before the sale.
6. My ex-husband had numerous opportunities to become more involved in our daughter’s life but had numerous excuses not to.
7. My ex-husband was guilty of inappropriate behavior in front of our daughter. While it wasn’t something that would put him in jail, it was still inappropriate.
8. We could show that with the additional time, long weekends, extended summers, my ex-husband had more days with his daughter than before the move.
9. I am a good mother, no vices, good morals and genuinely cared for our daughter and put her needs before mine.
10. Our daughter is well adjusted, well cared for, intelligent, makes good grades and all around good kid with no problems.
11. It was much easier to be a single mother in a smaller community, besides I had bought a nice home, joined a church and had a good job.
All powerful reasons in themselves but put them all together I thought I didn’t have anything to worry about. Still, I decided to have a jury of my peers decide my fate instead of a crazy judge that only listens to half the story.
So, in the spring of 2007 we started a week long trial. I neglected to mention, in a last minute effort because custody was going to be difficult to obtain for my ex-husband, his attorney made a brilliant move and filed for geographic restrictions a few weeks before we started.
Trial began, the weather was beautiful, humidity was taking a break that week. I would finally hear his side of the story. But before we could get started picking a jury, my attorney had several objections the judge ruled on.
1. For a modification of a divorce decree you have to show that there has been significant change in circumstances. Our decree had language on how to do visitation if we lived over 100 miles and my move was not restricted. The judge disagreed and told us to proceed.
2. Tapes that my ex-husband’s attorney were going to use did not follow the rules of evidence. They were messages I left years ago shortly after our divorce. In one of the messages I threatened to leave and get away from him and his shenanigans. The tapes were from a recorder that my ex-husband used to record off a messaging system and included transcripts he prepared because the tapes were hard to hear and understand. My ex had dated everything and we were suppose to trust his transcripts and dates. My attorney said the civil or criminal courts would never allow such tapes because they did not follow rules of evidence. But this family judge disagreed, allowed the tapes and transcripts and told us to proceed.
My gut feeling that the judge was allowing everything that the Petitioner’s attorney wanted was starting to take shape.
My ex-husbands case was laid out for the jury which is summarized below.
1. Our daughter was used by me to get back at my ex-husband. I willfully moved to distance him from her because I am spiteful and selfish. I threatened to move years before I moved. Remember the alienation comment earlier, the psychologist found our child not to be alienated but the petitioner’s attorney played that card anyway.
2. I had started a CPS case against my ex-husband to be spiteful. Time to explain the facts and only the facts that the jury got to hear. Our daughter came home after a weekend visit with Dad and made this comment, “I saw Daddy and Sharon having sex”. I didn’t believe her but she described that Daddy was taking a shower, Sharon, his paramour, was in his bed with her. When Daddy got out of the shower our daughter pretended she was asleep so she saw him naked and kissing Sharon on the chest. That was enough, I called my ex and asked him to explain and he hung up on me. The next day I called the women’s minister at church and she referred me to a counselor for our daughter. When I made an appointment with the counselor, I explained why and she told me if I did not report to CPS then she is required to by law. Our daughter went to many counseling sessions and CPS talked to all parties, determined that my ex-husband was not completely naked but wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. The CPS was satisfied when he promised not let her sleep with him any longer and closed the case. What our daughter saw was not “sex” but she thought it was, so it is still inappropriate for a six year old to see especially between a couple that is not married. My ex-husbands attorney used the fact that the case was closed without action and played that card as well.
3. My ex-husband testified that he has been unable to get married because of all the “stuff” going on in his life but would marry soon and have a complete family for our daughter. My attorney tried to show the jury that their relationship had started eight years ago, but the Judge stopped him because the divorce resolved that issue and it can not be brought up now. My attorney brought up the fact the psychologist report had statements where my ex admitted dating the paramour long before the divorce but the Judge would not allow, hmmm. The jury would not hear testimony about his character.
4. The tapes were played to the jury to first of all embarrass me and show I was angry and made statements that I wanted to get away from my ex. My attorney showed that my ex played both women, when he and his new girlfriend would break up he would then make attempts to get back together with his family even after we divorced. All that stopped when his girlfriend made the false allegations of telephone harassment. I got out of that game and didn’t want to play any longer.
5. Our daughter has numerous problems including weight loss and not wanting to fly alone all created by me in my efforts to keep our daughter away from her father. My attorney showed that the weight loss happened most significantly when she visited her father for 42 days the summer of 2006, we had moved away for close to 1-1/2 years at that point. I found out our daughter had what my ex called a “miserable summer” with him that year. She didn’t want to go to Sea World or do many of the activities he planned. Somehow all that was my fault. The fear of flying by herself, started when her father got angry at her and made her board a flight when she had a painful urge to urinate. We found out she had the beginnings of a urinary tract infection (UTI) because she stayed in a wet bathing suit that weekend at the San Luis Hotel. That is what the pediatrician determined the next morning when we went to the doctor. Only eight years old, scary airplane bathrooms which she never had to use before and UTI urges. No wonder she didn’t want to be alone on a plane. So I made the next couple trips with her and she started flying alone in a few months. Hardly a Mom trying to keep a daughter from her Dad but those accusations were thrown at me just the same.
6. Remember the story I mentioned earlier, how I turned myself in to face false allegations in Fort Bend County. Well my ex-husband’s attorney repeatedly told the jury how I had been thrown in jail. My defense was the document which closed the case due to lack of evidence. False allegations, but my character was questioned in front of the jury and judge just the same.
Well the list of petty accusations could go on and on but that is what they were petty and an effort to slander and make me appear incompetent. What an awful mother willing to use her daughter to get back at the evil ex husband, lots of mothers have done it and their stories get portrayed in movies and newspapers all the time. But what’s worse, the judge has seen that story played out many times in her court room since 1994, the year she was elected or appointed. My defense was simply the truth and the court appointed psychologist saying that our daughter loved both parents and was NOT alienated. I just wanted to get past the trial and go on with our lives. Our new schedule worked and had been working for over two years at that point.
The jury would decide custody and geographic restrictions. My ex-husbands attorney asked the jury to restrict me to Harris and contiguous counties. Did I mention my ex never lived in Harris County after the divorce, he lived in Webb and Fort Bend Counties.
Well the jury gave me custody but also gave me a geographic restriction of 250 miles so I could move closer to my family in San Antonio.
The jury was split, some felt sorry for my ex-husband, look at the extent he was going through to be closer to his daughter. I neglected to explain he cried on the witness stand when he said he wanted to be closer to his daughter. I knew those emotions so well, he is a very convincing liar and manipulator, very good at making you feel he is the victim not the instigator. He is not the overt narcissist as the infamous and impeached democrat of our time, but he had his own good example during his formative years, his father. The jury was polled and all of the them agreed that I should keep custody but six wanted the daughter closer and my supporters caved since it was 6 six o’clock Friday afternoon and everyone wanted to go home.
The rest is a blurrrr, I went home not knowing what to do, quit my job, when do I have to move and sell my house? The judge was going to make those decisions.
My ex’s attorney would start running the show from that day forward because it turned out he was tight with the Judge. His name is Bruce R. Steffler and guess what, he sits on Judge Bonnie Crane Hellums bench in Harris County District Court 247 when she is away. His preferential treatment by the Judge was no fluke. Mr. Steffler made veiled threats and ignored proper procedure because he was in a special position to influence the Judge. I took it seriously because I witnessed many of his threats become reality.
Several months after the jury verdict, on May 4, 2007, Mr. Steffler got an emergency hearing. Judge Hellums proceeded with the emergency hearing without my attorney or me present and granted Bruce Steffler’s motions without testimony. First of all, Judge Hellums’ staff showed preferential treatment by setting the hearing date without documents and within a few days of Bruce Steffler’s request. This is a busy Harris County court and settings were a minimum wait of six weeks. Mr. Steffler failed to prove the need for an emergency hearing but he got one just the same. Oddly, the emergency hearing was because Petitioner wanted an unscheduled weekend visitation, hardly an emergency. Again, my paranoid ex husband was telling the Amicus that I was alienating the child and not moving. So the Amicus met with our daughter that weekend, I don’t know why exactly but nothing happened after the meeting which makes me assume that again she found no alienation as alleged once again. I found our court appointed Amicus inexperienced and naive, she never really understood my narcissistic ex husband, he is a charmer and plays that victim role so well. After the emergency hearing debacle we got a very clear picture, so clear you could see to infinity and beyond, so my attorney decided to ask the Judge to recuse herself.
During the recusal hearing on May 17, 2007, in Judge Underwood’s court, I heard Bruce Steffler deny that he uses his relationships with judges when talking to potential clients. Nonetheless, Bruce Steffler sits on Bonnie Crane Hellums bench in her absence and makes rulings on her behalf which means she trust him enough to sit on her bench, clear bias. I testified that Mr. Steffler appears in the 247th representing clients before Judge Hellums and uses his influence in that court to help his clients unfairly. Judge Underwood took two weeks to reach his decision but in the end decided not to stir-the-pot but chose instead to talk-the-talk of fixing it in the future.
It’s now over. Mr. Steffler submitted a parenting plan to Judge Hellums and she followed it completely. When we pointed out that Steffler’s parenting plan has our daughter being returned at 9:00 AM Monday mornings when school is out for the summer, is not a good plan because I am at work. We preferred her being returned on Sunday evenings which is standard, but it was not to be. Instead the Judge decided to let her be returned on 6:00 PM on Mondays. The parenting plan also restricted me to live within a 50 mile radius of my ex or I would have to do all the pick-up and drop-off or pay for travel. Again, it is standard for father’s to travel to pick up their kids. We asked Judge Hellums to be awarded court costs since we successfully defended custody for over two years with a costly jury trial. But not to be, Judge Hellums went with her friend’s suggestion to have each party responsible for their own costs. But we won, or did we? The jury would be amazed at how Bruce Steffler and Judge Hellums took their decision to have me move within 250 miles and made it very difficult for me to move anywhere but back to the Houston area again. Also the Judge wanted our daughter to be moved before school started and before our Final Judgment hearing on August 22nd. I put my house up for sale in July, moved in with my Aunt a week before school started and that is where we are today since there is currently a slump in the housing market. Still, I am blessed to have an Aunt that welcomed me while I’m trying to sale a house for God knows how long. I am blessed that my company let me transfer back, so I have a good job still.. Life is definitely a windy road for me and has taken me back to where I started but as long as my daughter is the great kid that she is today, I’m okay with that.
My lesson from all of this, with regard to the legal system, I have learned that you are guilty until proven innocent in Harris and Fort Bend Counties. I also think Judge Bonnie Crane Hellums is a good person, deep down she does have a heart. Her problem is dealing with ugly parents each and every day for over a decade has made her callous and uncaring to the point where she can’t recognize good parenting when it finally crosses her path. But she will be the last person to realize she is hardened because of that god-like ego. The extreme lesson to be learned from my life’s experience, be careful who you marry, love is not enough, take the time to know the real essence and character of a person first.
